©
  • Me: Heyyyy baby *hugs cat*
  • Cat: *paws me*
  • Cat: *bites me*
  • Cat: *kicks me*
  • Cat: *scratches me*
  • Cat: *runs away immediately*
  • Me:
  • Me: *looks down the bleeding hands*
  • Me: Cats are
  • Me: the best

pricksatmywindow:

i’m terrified of sounding mean on the internet so i always add too many exclamation marks and smiley faces but i think it makes me sound like a primary school teacher

When something bothered me, I didn’t talk with anyone about it. I thought it over all by myself, came to a conclusion, and took action alone. Not that I really felt lonely. I thought that’s just the way things are. Human beings, in the final analysis, have to survive on their own.

(Haruki Murakami)
  • me: haha hey guys do u dare me to eat this whole thing of ice cream
  • them: no
  • me: *shaking my head and chuckling* i cant believe you guys are making me do this
  • them: we're not
  • me: *eating right out of the thing* this is so wild you guys you're so fucked up for making me do this
  • me: *not religious*
  • me: oh my god
  • me: praise the lord
  • me: thank god
  • me: oh dear lord
  • me: jesus christ
  • me: good god

nedsseveredhead:

I feel so proud when friends tell me their parents like me. Like damn right they do, I am a delight.

Why are we talking to each other in English?

Two non English speakers who share the same first language while chatting on the net, probably

helpihavesexlexia:

in retail i like making people happy i really do HELPING THEM FIND SHIT TELLING THEM THEIR BATTERY HAS A WARRANTY THEY DIDNT KNOW ABOUT ECT.

but fucker if you cop even the slightest attitude with me i turn to fucking venom and you will be charged out the fucking ass